Sucker
by magicsunbeam
Summary: As the title suggests, Jack get's suckered


Title: Sucker

Author: Magicsunbeam

Email: A stab at humour.

Pairing: ooooooh none

Content Level: C

Season/sequel: Season 3 ish.

Spoilers: oooooh none

Summary: Jack gets suckered.

Author notes: Sorry, this hasn't been betad. Please just take it for what it is… the first thing to come out of my head in weeks and weeks. Hope it was worth it.

I guess we've all done it at some point. Allowed ourselves to be dragged into doing something we'd rather not do, just because it's expected. There's a word for it. Now what was it? Mmm, oh yeah. I have it.

**Suckered.**

**I got suckered a couple of days ago. I managed to get cornered by three women. **

**Now before you go telling me how I'm a lucky stiff, let me tell you when the women round these parts decide they want something, they don't horse around. If there's a possibility that they can't get what they want, they work in numbers and to a stringent method.**

**First comes the batting of eyelids routine. If that doesn't work, they resort to the flattery. If that doesn't work, they wheel out the old favourite, guilt. Annnd if that doesn't work, they resort to the dirtiest trick in the book.**

**The kid.**

**When it comes to saying no, I have learned how to ignore the pouting of my 2IC. I laugh (well grin nervously) in the face of my needle clutching doctor, but I have yet to get past the puppy-dog eyes of an 11 year old.**

**So once again, I was suckered.**

**Instead of spending a nice, warm, quiet night in eating pizza, drinking beer and revelling in the wonders of ice hockey, I found myself standing on Doc's porch listening to the ruckus inside. The place must have been heaving at the rafters. I could hear kids squealing, feet pounding, mom's laughing and somewhere in the background I was sure I could hear The Monster Mash.**

**I was about to turn tail and get the hell out of Dodge, when I heard a deep, rumbling voice.**

"**BartSimpson, please retract your hands from the aquarium."**

**Okay, you have to admit that's not something you hear every day. Now I was torn between running and wanting to see what was happening inside. **

**Aaaahhhh, gads. Okay, decision was made. You know what they say about cats and curiosity? Well I can't help but wonder if my middle name shouldn't be O'Malley. **

**Taking a deep breath, I plastered on a smile and rang the doorbell. I knew I'd made a mistake when the pounding feet and squealing stopped for about a second. Then, what sounded to me like a herd of shrieking elephants came thunder from all corners of Doc's house to congregate behind the front door. **

**I held my breath as the door was slowly opened. I took an involuntary step back, as was greeted by what looked to be about a hundred vampires, witches, mummies, cat women, bat men, Morticia's, grim reapers – and Bart Simpson.**

**Disappointment showed on the faces of those I could see. They were obviously expecting someone a lot more interesting.**

"**Aw, Holy Halloween," groaned Batman. "It's only the pizza guy."**

**A collective "Aw." went up, and the throng of Rocky Horror extras dispersed before my eyes.**

**I looked down at the half dozen pizza boxes in my hands.**

"**Hey! It's stone baked, filled crust, extra everything pizza," I called after them. **

**Doc appeared at the door. **

"**Hey, Colonel. Glad you could make it," she said with a grin. "We were beginning to wonder if you'd chickened out."**

"**Nope. Takes a lot more than three hundred screaming, sugar saturated kids to put me off," I lied.**

"**Yeah, right," Carter said, appearing from nowhere and relieving me of my pizza stash.**

**I decided I was a bigger man than to grace her with a response, so I pulled a face at her retreating back and followed her into the kitchen.**

"**Where's Cassie? And did I hear Teal'c's voice?"**

**The door from the sitting room suddenly swung open and a witch hurtled into the room.**

"**Jack!" she hollered, as she flung her arms around me. "I thought you'd changed your mind."**

"**Changed my mind ?" I repeated in mock shock. "Oh no. I had to come tonight, I promised Cassie I would. Say, have you seen Cassie anywhere? She's about so big, brown hair, smiles a lot."**

**The witch bounced on her feet.**

"**It's me , Jack," she giggled. "It's me, Cassie."**

**I took a step back and looked at her, then shook my head.**

"**No. You're not Cassie. She's much, much prettier. I mean the Cassie Fraiser who lives here."**

**Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Doc and Carter trying not to laugh.**

**Cassie practically jumped to my eye level, laughing with delight.**

"**It is me, Jack," she said, pulling witches mask down to reveal her face.**

"**Whoa! It is Cassie," I cried. "You look mean! I thought you were a real witch."**

"**The costume is indeed lifelike, O'Neill," Teal'c stated, appearing in the doorway.**

**At least I thought it was Teal'c. Someone had painted his face to look like something that belonged on the set of Night of the Living Dead. He was dressed in muddy jeans, a ripped tee shirt and was wearing a moth eaten baseball cap to cover the gold tattoo on his forehead. **

"**Hey, T," I greeted him brightly. "You're looking very much in the pink tonight."**

**Cocking his head slightly, he studied me for a second, then looked down at his costume.**

"**I am not wearing pink, O'Neill." He stated, and just for the briefest of seconds, a smirk crossed his face.**

**I grinned back at him. "You're getting better, Peewee."**

**Cassie piped up: "He's not meant to be Peewee, Jack. His name is Elliott."**

**Puzzled, I looked at Teal'c, then at Doc and Carter, then back to Teal'c.**

"**Elliott?"**

"**MajorCarter has informed me that the name of my character is Elliott Gould," he told me.**

**Blame it on the busy day I'd had, but it took another second for the penny to drop. When it did, I laughed. Not just your ordinary laugh, but a good, old fashioned belly laugh. The thought of what Bratac would think if he saw Teal'c right then made me laugh harder, then when I saw the curious look on Teal'c's face, it just cracked me up even more. He just sooo didn't get it.**

**Finally getting hold of myself, I sat down on the nearest stool before I fell down.**

"**You're Elliott Ghoul, T. Ghoul as in, ghost," I told him.**

**He studied me for a moment, then raised an eyebrow and said; "Ah."**

**The moment was lost when the door opened again to reveal Bart Simpson and a Co.**

"**We're bored," he stated simply.**

"**Okay." Carter said, standing up. "How about we play some party games. How about Pass The Parcel?"**

**The noise level grew to about 875 decibels, as we followed the gruesome throng back into the sitting room.**

"**I hope you have three hundred and one prizes, Major," I said casually, finding myself a place in the circle of kids on the floor.**

**I won a prize. Okay, so I didn't so much win a prize as stole it, but hey I worked just as hard at the games as those kids did. So what if I held onto the parcel a little longer than I should have? Does it matter that I accidentally knocked Bart Simpson when he looked like he was going to win at Musical States? And as for Musical Chairs, you have to look out for Number One in this world. I don't think Morticia hurt her butt too much when I pulled the chair out from under her.**

**When the games were done, and it was nearly time for the kids to go home, Doc and Carter had them all put on their masks and capes. Then, with Teal'c as a bodyguard, they went trick or treating from door to door down Doc's road. **

**Seeing as how the neighbors opened their doors to a mean looking, six foot plus zombie, I wasn't surprised to see the kids come back a while later with a huge sack full of goodies. **

**As Doc sat the kids down to divide up the loot, I take my leave. **

**I know it's sometimes a pain in the mik'ta to be dragged into something you don't really wanted to do, but it's usually times like those that turn out to be the best. And I had the best of times tonight. Who would have thought you could have had so much fun with a room full of knee high, E high, shrieking elephants?**

**Since everyone else was busy, I bid my goodnights to Carter. As I close the front door behind me, I hear a deep warning rumble.**

"**BartSimpson, please retract your hands from the aquarium."**

**I climb into the jeep laughing to myself.**

**Sometimes being suckered isn't such a bad thing.**

**end**


End file.
